Writing a Character Most Of Us Know - Mom

Writing this book involves me creating characters that we all know, love, hate, or whatever...but we all know them. I've just introduced the mom of my main character and she's not the most pleasant of people. I'm trying to separate what I know and love of my own Mother while creating a mother that people don't really care for. Does that make sense? I have good memories of my Mom. I need to dig deep and remember feelings of when I was a child and intertwine them, twist them, into a different world. How did I remember the house, how did I feel about the curtains, carpet, smells, sounds, etc.

So, well in advance, I want everyone to understand that this character in my book (her name as of now is Joanne) is not my Mom. The things "Joanne" does and the things she says are in no reflection of who I grew up with. In order to create "Joanne" and the house that we grew up in, some things may hint a similarity from my childhood. But, in no way do they reflect my awesome Mom.

So with that said, I feel like I can carry on and create this shitty character.

How I feel about writing this character!

Describing Feelings - Second Attempt

So, I took some time off to not think at all. Sometimes just detaching myself from the book and the situation is good for my thought process. When I go back and read what I've wrote it can be torture. "What in the hell was I writing?" "How did I even put this shit out there?"
Then there are times where I'm happy with what I've done. Being my worst critic, being "happy" with what I've done is rare.
However, I detached from this paragraph and revisited it today and made some tweaks to it. I had to harness the feeling of total loss. Total abandonment. Total mental devastation.
Not sure I'm 100% happy yet with it but please let me know what you think.
The first paragraph is the OLD one, followed by the revised paragraph.

Numb would not be the right way to describe how Elise was feeling; there were strong waves of sickness, hatred, along with complete defeat. Standing there, her arms and legs felt heavy, her vision tunneled and everything in her peripheral turned white. The world felt like it was running away from her and she was left standing there like an abandoned pet. She closed her eyes on the verge of a complete meltdown and then something switched and an overwhelming feeling of direction took over. Right now, she was on a mission. Autopilot.

Now, the polished turd... 

Numb. No, Elise was not numb. There were more feelings rushing through her body than she could contain. There were strong waves of pain in her arms and legs; each wave felt like death and it was going to break her. Her heart pounded so hard that the blood rushed up into her neck and started choking her. All peripheral sight was lost and only the dingy, brown, berber carpet was in view. Her hearing started to become muffled and nausea started to kick in. Through all this, she heard a faint door shut from within the apartment. A few moments later, the sound of the shower started. She closed her eyes on the verge of a complete meltdown and then something switched and an overwhelming feeling of direction took over. Elise had to make a decision now; either confront him or run. She knew what she was best at. Run.

 

Describing Feelings - Mindless State

I find that I have a hard time describing feelings of a character in an extreme situation. I know I need to work through the mental part and how the body feels, but unless I'm personally in a situation, I seem to not be able to capture the moment in word form.
For example, when my character loses her 'status quo' life in one day; job, boyfriend, and apartment. I keep leaning to the word "numb" but this isn't true at all. She's not "numb". She is full of feelings, direction, with a slight sickness behind all of this. This is a life changing moment of sink or swim. So, saying she's "numb" yet she has all these feelings going on at the same time is like an oxymoron...right?
Below is a small example of what I've written. It isn't done. It is more like a placeholder while I think and type. Feel free to purge your descriptive words for this in the comments.

Numb would not be the right way to describe how Elise was feeling; there were strong waves of sickness, hatred, along with complete defeat. Standing there, her arms and legs felt heavy, her vision tunneled and everything in her peripheral turned white. The world felt like it was running away from her and she was left standing there like an abandoned pet. She closed her eyes on the verge of a complete meltdown and then something switched and an overwhelming feeling of direction took over. Right now, she was on a mission. Autopilot.

Reading this is going to make me go bonkers. It doesn't flow. There needs to be a fix. I think it is time to slip into a mindless state and try to take me back to an occasion where I felt this...this hopelessness but yet an awakening.

 

Why Do I Write?

I think this blog post of "Why Do I Write" will be updated the more I write. It would seem that the more I delve into this mess, the more my reasoning to write twists and changes.
There are parts of my past that I wish never happened. Well, I guess if they didn't happen then I wouldn't be who I am today. However, I think everyone looks back at their life and wishes they would have handled things differently. There are a few life events of mine that have really impacted the rest of my world, both as a child and as an adult. I wish I would have been stronger, acted differently, fought back. But I didn't.
I write because if I was to serve my revenge up cold, I'd be incarcerated. I write out of hatred of the laws that are in place that protect criminals...the fucking statue of limitations.

So, I write to live a new life.

I write to feel free.

I write to breathe.

I write to cleanse.

I write for revenge.